India’s first transsexual celebrity talk show host tells about her journey from Ramesh to Rose.
When I turnedfeminine…
I was born and raised as a boy named Ramesh Venkatesan. This March, I became Rose Venkatesan. I’m curvaceous, with wild curls flowing down my delicate back and love dressing up like a girl. I became aware of my femininity when I was around five; I felt uncomfortable being a boy. It was traumatic for me when I couldn’t dress up like a girl. Painting my lips and nails crimson red was okay till I was a child. I would spend hours with my sister’s dolls and mom’s make-up. In a conservative Tamil household, I was considered weird but cute in my girlie get up. But all hell broke lose when I reached puberty and still didn’t give up my feminine traits. I used to dislike cricket and other ‘boy’ sports. I was more interested in p a i n t i n g and cooking. I was s e e t h i n g with frustration for not being able to express my f e m i n i n e side. I walked that extra mile to look like a boy, talking in a husky voice and letting that stubble grow. But s o m e h ow bullies in s c h o o l wo u l d smell my secret, that I was a woman from within…
The big
confession… I vividly remember the day I decided to call up my parents from the US and told them that I wasn’t a man but a woman. My heart broke into pieces when I heard my mom sobbing over the phone. Dad’s silence killed me…. I was close to my brothers but they never interested me. I knew they were more worried of the immediate repercussions. Ours is a middle class family, the society would ostracise us. I could understand the pain I caused them, but certain things have to be done, that’s the way of the world. I decided against staying back in the US, where I was pursuing my masters degree in biomedical engineering at Louisiana Tech University. American society can be violent when it comes to transvestites.
The return of the prodigal…
When I returned home, I was aware of the backlash, sniggers and hurtful remarks. My family was ashamed of me. Yet, I returned, because I didn’t want to run away from the life I knew. I was ambitious and wanted to make a name for myself in the media or by starting up a business. I’m lucky to be in Tamil Nadu, because here, unlike in the north, religion doesn’t have a sway over politics. In Kerala, I would have been stoned to death!
The man of my dreams…
I don’t talk to my relatives and stay away from social gatherings. I don’t keep in touch with my old friends, I know their mentality. They are sick men who might end up harassing me sexually! People ask me if I’m hundred per cent woman after the sex change operation. I ask them, “What’s a hundred per cent woman like?” Yes, I’ve female genitalia now, people say I’m pretty and I love saris. Besides this, what matters is who I really am. I have a boyfriend who loves me and he has stuck to me through bad days, but he’s also dating another girl. I don’t think this relationship will last, although I want it to. I’d like to marry a man who’s well-educated and settled in life. I want him to be sensitive, caring and bold enough to take me to his mother. I’d like to adopt children, as I’m very fond of them. My guy has to have the nerve to marry me in a media-crazy ceremony, which would be covered live on TV!
There’s light at the end of
the tunnel…
I’m a skeptic. I don’t believe in God. But I always knew that when you want something badly, a higher power helps you. The best moment of my life was when I stood in front of the mirror in a Bangkok hospital after I became a woman in the true sense of the term. I looked so beautiful, it was like living a dream… My advice to people like me would be, embolden your spirit, educate yourself and have a roadmap in life. Knowledge helps open doors; prove to the world that not all transvestites are dirty, evil prostitutes. Only you can break the stigma of being ‘different’!
Posts
